The Good News

I was listening to the radio today and one of the news stories was on religious believes in America. Appearantly over 50% of evangelical Christians believe that "good" people of other faiths can go to heaven. That is a lot of misinformed people. You can read the whole article here.

This doesn't even make sense to me. Why would you have faith or specific religious beliefs if you can have eternal life in heaven by just being a good person? What constitutes being a "good" person. The article talks about giving blood, allowing a stranger to cut in line, help someone find a job and giving directions to a stranger. If thats all it takes, I'm doing pretty good in life- except I can't give blood because I'm anemic. But there are times I am in a hurry and don't let that old lady go in front of me at SuperWalmart even though she only has 3 items and I have a cart full. Do I lose my salvation on those days?

So here is the truth. Sometimes I do really good things, but more often I do bad things. I'm selfish, I gossip, I do things I know I shouldn't..etc. James 2:10 says, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at one point is guilty of breaking all of it." It only takes one sin to seperate us from God. In God's eyes all sin are the same- gossiping and murder. Although we hold them to different standards- they aren't. And we are all in the same situation- sinful, broken and distant from God. Romans 3:10 states: There is none righteous not even one. But here is the good news. God made it possible for man to have a restored relationship with him- to spend eternity in heaven. And its not about what we've done- but what has been done for us. Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Christ- but the reality is that his birth is irrevelant unless you know the big picture. Jesus Christ left his glory in heaven to walk with man. Born fully man and fully God he was tempted in every way to do "bad" stuff. Steal, lie, cheat, hurt others, etc but he resisted all temptation and lived his life perfectly. He went on to serve as the ultimate sacrifice- the blameless Lamb. Overcoming death, the consquence of sin, and taking the punishment that we all deserve. We can't possibly be good enough, therefore we must rely fully on Christ for our salvation. When I die and I stand before the Lord and he asks me why he should let me into heaven. I will not say because I've been a good and deserve it because I haven't- instead I will say the consquences of my sins have been paid for by Jesus. I have no fear of death only the hope of the good news.

OOPPPS

I've failed. 3 days into my 365 days of photos I stopped. And then I got sick and stopped again. This project is officially on hold. I will restart the year on January 1. I will take and post atleast 1 picture everyday of 2011. Why? Well 1. to improve my skills and experiment with my camera/lens. 2. A picture tells 1000 words. Sometimes a picture can tell you more about what is going on in our family than I could ever write.

I've been pretty darn sick for about 10 days now. So sick I've missed 2 weeks of church- I really miss it! Plus I have very rarely left the house or more specifically the couch. For a week I wore nothing but PJs for 10 days I didn't wear my contacts! For 3 days I had a 102 or 103 degree fever. I was sick! Fortunatly for me, it was a slow week at the airport and Kellen was around a little more to let me rest some. And my lovely sister Chrissy came down one night to watch Lainey so I could shower and sleep and then on Sunday my parent brought some delicious homemade chicken noodle soup. It is incredible difficult having the flu and having an almost 4 month old that nurses every 3 hours. I was extremely limited on the medicine I could take and when I could take it. It was so tempting to give up nursing- but I didn't. I am still sick- coughing, sore throat and nasal drainage but I am slowly getting better. I wonder if I should see a doctor- could I have strep or a sinus infection?

The weather has been horrible for flying. Kellen has barely been working at the airport- of course during one of the most financially demanding time. Not just because of Christmas but our 6 month car insurance payment and increased heating bill. Oh well, God will provide. He always does.

Last big thing- we're going to have another niece or nephew come the end of June! Melissa is due June 28th. We're super excited for another baby to love on! Children are such a blessing. Lainey is going to have so much fun playing with her cousins when she gets a little older!

I could really use a vacation and we have some free flights to use...we're planning on going early May. Any good suggestions on where? We were thinking out west to the Grand Canyon etc...

Photos of The Day

So already on day 2 of I'm finding my 365 days of photos have been more difficult than anticipated. I'm lacking creativity. Hopefully, I can find better things to take photos of soon. Lainey and I had an adventure yesterday but stupid me I forgot the camera.

Day 2: November 15 Ever have a day where you feel like you are running on E? Thats how this week feels. The coloring isn't the best. PS: I also need air in my tires.

Day 3: November 16 I like the lighting a lot in this photo. The clouds were really pretty. Taken at the mall in Robinson.

365 Days in Pictures

I have always been the type of person who thrives when faced with a ton to do. I like keeping busy. So I am combining my desire to keep busy with my love for photography and I am going to start a "photo a day journal" although I might not be able to to update my photos everyday, I am going to make sure to take atleast one photo a day. It will help me improve my photography skills and take a little time for me each day to something I enjoy! That being said, if anybody ever wants me to shoot some photos for you (babies, families, couples, etc) I'd be thrilled. It would be for free as long as I could add them to my portfolio! Who knows, maybe someday I'll be talented enough to open my own studio. What an awesome job that would be!

November 14, 2010 I love you, Stinky Face

truly, this dog is one of the stinkiest...

My Own Enemy

Its been a while since I've written. Life has been happening at full speed and my mind has been racing on many many things, but I often don't know how to express the many thoughts I have.

I believe I have chronic fatique. Now this may not seem like a big deal because I have a 3 month old baby and as any parent can tell you- its exhausting. Yes, I realize that, however I am beyond exhausted. In fact I am so exhausted I can't sleep. And honestly, I can't even blame Lainey because she sleeps 8-10 hours a night and has been since she was 5 weeks old. With this, I am overly anxious. I lay awake at night wondering and thinking and running through a million scenerios in my head. I worry about the 'what-ifs' in life, I stress about everything big and little, and my very active imagination tortures my exhausted self. When it comes to sleep I am my own worse enemy. I toss and turn and those 8 hours that Lainey gives me, turns into a very poorly slept evening. I am usually more tired waking up than when I went to bed. Kellen is the complete opposite of me. Nothing keeps him awake at night. He never worries and the thing that I cannot understand for the life of me is he claims (frequently) that he can think about nothing. I can't even imagine not having a thought in my head. My mind constantly races. This makes me very envious of him.

We're big Family Guy fans. (Mom, I know, I know HORRIBLE show). However, there is one episode where Lois is dealing with Peter and being the worrying woman and they show her brain "I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor" I'm driving myself to have a tumor...

So admitting to a problem is the first step in fixing it. I'm blaming my problem on worry and anxiety. Now why do I worry? I guess to be answer this honestly. Its a LACK of faith. I doubt God's perfect plan for my life, I question his will for my family, I over think everything and under trust Him. Once again Kellen is the opposite.He trusts blindly and questions almost nothing. So my goal is stop worrying and start trusting. Any encouraging words/books/bible verses would be great! Also help keep me accountable! We'll see how this goes- but I know if I can do this my quality of life will greatly increase! And maybe I won't end up with a tumor... :-p

Anyway, Lainey is almost 3 months and is doing awesome! I'll be sure to right about her soon- after all she is way more interesting than I am.

Joy in Journey

We may not every travel Europe as we'd hope and my body may never go back to how it was prepregnancy, I may never have my dream house or my career and my life will always be a lot less me and a lot more of someone else..there is so much joy in our journey.

But here we are on a journey of life. We were entrusted with a precious gift- we were given her to love... unconditionally. Teach... the truth of the Lord and what it means to follow him. Empower... her to be the best she can and serve God with her whole heart. To forgive... as we are forgiven. To discipline... for her own good as the Father disciplines us. To provide for her needs and sometimes her desires. It isn't a gift to be taken lightly and if the Lord thought we could handle it- we can. And aren't we so honored to be given this gift...

I get emotional when I think about the birth of Lainey. It is by the grace of God that she is here. He WILLED her into exsistance. She is a creation- not designed by me or Kellen, although we were certainly a part of it, but rather by the great Creator. Not our time, but his. A part of his plan here for his purpose and his glory. Her birthday was picked before she was even conceived- he knows the hairs on her head, and the last breath she will take. He knitting her together in my womb- her strengths and weakness, passions and dislikes all unique for God's glory. God's plan is perfect- not just part of the journey but all of it.

Romans 8:28-39

To Be Held

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the rock eternal. He humbles those who dwell on high, he lays the lofty city low, he levels it to the ground and casts it down to the dust. Feet trample it down- the feet of the oppressed, the footsteps of the poor. The path of the righteous is level, O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth. Isaiah 26:3-7 .

Being a mom has taught me/reminded me a lot about our heavenly Father and what it is to be a child of God.

Sometimes Lainey cries for what appears to be gas pains. The other day was one of these time...I scooped her up in my arms and found myself telling her many things to soothe her in hopes she'll stop crying. W ithout really thinking I started to mutter. It went something like this: Lainey, I'm your mom and I love you. You don't have to cry I'll always be here for you. Don't worry. You don't have to cry. You can trust me. I'll feed you when you're hungry, clothe you when your cold and hold you when you're hurt or sad. I'll watch over you and protect you. I love you, you're precious to me. Have faith in me. Then it hit me. God asks the same thing of us. We need to faith have in him. He knows our needs and he will watch over us, protect and hold us. He loves us. We are so precious to him-so much so that he wants us to spend eternity with him. His plan is perfect. Trust it.

Pain is real. Although I can't take Lainey's pain away, her comfort is in my arms. Feeling my warmth and love. One day Lainey will learn that even though I'm her mom, I'll fail her. However, I hope that she'll know God will not disappoint. We suffer pain. In a broken world, pain is inevitable. Unfortunatly a lot of times doing the right thing can mean a long hard road of suffering and persecution. But God is willing to hold us, walk with us through it all and love us. In the end, it will be worth it.

Fear of the Lord will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe. Provebs 29:25

He held fast to the Lord and did not cease to follow him; he kept the commands the Lord had given Moses. And the Lord was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook. He rebelled against the King of Assyria and did not serve him. 1 Kings 18:6-7

CamCo

This weekend marked our first family adventure. We headed off to Cameron County to the adorable town of Emporium to visit a college friend of mine, Nicole! Its about a 3 1/2 hour drive.

I told Nicole we would be there around noon. Well, first the alarm didn't go off and then we were to drop the dogs off at our parents house on the way. Well, we stopped at Krispy Kreme to get donuts and while we were inside one of the dogs pooped in the car. Then we finally got to our parents and Lainey was close to feeding time so we fed her and we didn't get back on the road until 11 or so. We took Route 28 and it was a beautiful drive. The sun was shining and the leaves were beautiful. We ended up stopping at Walmart for Nicole and I nursed Lainey in the parking lot- totally awkward! Why is it that when you intentionally park far away people come and park next to you? I was stressed on the way up. I found out Kellen forgot our toothbrushes and toothpaste and my contact solution and glasses. So we had to stop twice! Anyway, we finally arrived to her house at 3. Lesson learned: when traveling with an infant be flexible!

We were able to go on a nice walk in the woods where we saw deer, chipmunks, pheasants, a bear paw print ( hahaha) and mountains covered with beautiful leaves. Lainey got carried on Kellen and was very good on the walk. Later we went looking for elk! We saw some and heard them call, but it was pretty dark so we didn't get a good look. Then we enjoyed good food and fellowship with Nicole and her wonderful family. Her parents are so nice and wonderfuls hosts! We went to church and hung out a little afterwards and then headed home. It was a quick weekend, but I really enjoyed it. I realized Nicole and I didn't take any pictures together :-( She did take some cute ones of our family though!

Kellen was/is amazing. He helped with Lainey a TON. I really got to enjoy myself and actually relax some. It was nice to get a little bit of a break.

The drive home was wonderful. Lainey did great and Kellen and I enjoyed a lot of great conversation. I really appreciated those 3 hours and our talks. We haven't gotten the opportunity to talk like that in a long time. It was great for our marriage. :-) I love him. We were tired after our long adventure- but it was fun and I feel refreshed!

I hope to get some more fall pictures since its such a beautiful time of year. I keep trying to think of something creative to do with Lainey to get some cute "portraits" any ideas?

Fall

I love fall! I love cozy sweaters, warm blankets, pretty leaves and hot chocolate! This weekend we are taking Lainey on her first over night adventure. We are going to visit Nicole in the beautiful Pennsylvania mountains. I hope the Wigfield family knows what they are getting into by inviting Kellen and I and our almost 2 month old daughter! Her house and family are so nice and the hills surrounding it are gorgeous! I enjoyed my visit so much last time so I am super excited to go back. The weather is supposed to be nice so we plan on trying to do some hikes and look for elk! I'll be sure to post some pictures early next week.

Although its only Tuesday, this week has been better than most. The weather has been rainy and visibility is down. Therefore, my wonderful pilot husband has not been able to instruct. The disadvantage is if he doesn't fly he doesn't get paid. The advantage is we got to spend some time together. Monday after we shared lunch, he stayed at home with Lainey while I ran some errands. It was nice to be able to get out and get some grocery shopping done and the house cleaned up. Hopefully the weather will clear up and Kellen can get some flights in tomorrow. I know work is necessary, but I do love having him around!

My boss called today. He needs to know by Monday so he can make up the schedule what I am doing as far as returning to work. I'm pretty sure we have figured it out, but are continuing to pray about it.

The Good and Bad

I hate when people say, "I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first." Why is it that good things always come with the bad? I am not all about the ying yang stuff or karma but a lot of times it does seem that good news comes with bad news. In my life is not exception. So I will start with the good. I LOVE BEING A MOM! Its such an amazing experience and blessing. I am learning so much from this and it brings me so much joy! Taking a baby out in public can be a lot of fun and a lot of work! Its fun because people ALWAYS stop to tell me how cute she is, ask me how old she is and tell me I look great for just having a baby. (I love the first and last part). It is a lot of work too- so much extra gear comes with a baby. Also, sometimes she just starts to SCREAM. For no appearant reason. Yet strangers like to tell me that she must be hungry or dirty or sick. She did this yesterday at the mall and for once she could not have been quieted. After about 10 minutes of trying to console her, I made a dash for the door. I dont like to subject others to her scream. For such a little creature, she has a loud voice. It lasted for hours after I took her home too.

Within the last couple weeks Lainey has changed so much. She has really found her voice. She has been cooing making cute noises for weeks, but recently she has learned to do this horrible loud squak like noise. The first time at night while I was sleeping. I must have jumped 5 feet out of bed. And now she almos giggles. She has really started smiling a lot. She doesn't have these big grins just these cute 'lip smiles'. Her cheeks are getting rosier and her eyes bluer. I don't know who she looks like. She reminds me of someone but I can't figure out who. Most say she looks like Kellen. She hates tummy time- seriously hates it. I try to do it anyway but sometimes I just can't handle the crying. I hope this doesn't hurt her developementally. She has always done great at holding her head up. She turns it all around and looks around her. She loves to follow the mobile in her crib. And has been sleeping 7+ hours at night. It seems like she really recognizes Kellen and I and she loves to study Kellen's face. She really is a great baby and we are so blessed to have her.

So now onto the bad. For me it is easy to talk about the good stuff in life. I could talk all day about Lainey and the joy she brings to our life. But life has good and bad. Life contains real struggles and if I used this blog to just write about all the good in my life, I would feel like I am living a lie. So here is the bad. I am supposed to go back to work on October 19th. I don't want to. It is too difficult to figure out childcare and to pay someone isn't worth it. And most of all I don't really want to leave her. Every once in a while it would be nice to have a break, but I really enjoy being a stay at home mom. I know she changes so quickly. It is hard to believe that she is 7 weeks old already. I don't to miss a single moment. So as much as I don't want to work, things are kind of rough having Kellen gone so much. Its really been taking a toll on me. Our situation is so far from the ideal. I bet Kellen and I have MAYBE seen each other 5 hours total this week. That might be generous. Most days are just plain tough, but some days are REALLY tough. So I sit here torn. I can put my precious daughter in daycare and work full time and we would have all evenings together as a family. Money wouldn't be a problem (although right now money isn't the issue, Kellen works two jobs to keep our insurance.) We'd have secure health insurance. And Kellen wouldn't be burdened working 60 hour work weeks. I am weighing the pros and cons of me working to allow us more time as a family. Neither option is ideal in my opinion and it breaks my heart. I tear up just writing this. God is faithful- we believe that and we are seeking Him through this. Prayers for wisdom and guidance would be greatly appreciated as we seek what is best for our family. This is obviously a big decision and not an easy one.

growing like a weed!

I feel like Lainey is a baby giant. She is truly growing like a weed! Some of her 0-3 month stuff already seems short- its not snug on her otherwise so she isn't chubby. I guess that is what being in the 97% for height will do for you. But jeeze she is not 3 months yet, and I know those size are just a "guideline". It makes me sad though she has so many clothes and I feel like she has barely worn them. I want her to stay small and cuddly. I am grateful she is healthy. Oh well, I guess if her towering height is all I have to complain about we are doing pretty good.

Parenting continues to be an adventure. This week took Lainey out of our room and put her in her crib to sleep at night. She is doing wonderful Infact, all week she has been sleeping through the night. I wake her up around 11:30 or midnight to nurse and then put her back down for the night. Kellen gets up at 7 for work. I get up and nurse her about 7:30. That is awesome! I usually don't get to bed to 12:30 or 1..but still this is way better than 3 hours at a time. She pretty much established this all on her own. I was worried about her being in her crib. My fear is I wouldn't be able to hear her cry even with the monitor. But its going great!

On Wednesday, I left her alone with grandma Joyce while I went to some big consignment sale at the RMU sports dome. I worried about her the whole time. To keep myself from calling and texting grandma every 5 minutes, I texted Kellen instead (ha I am sure he loved that, but he is pretty much used to it.) Lainey was fine though. She takes a bottle great. We give her one every other day to get her used to it. When she was a newborn I couldn't wait to give her a bottle. They say to wait 3 weeks for giving a bottle because breastfeeding is established but they are still willing to take a bottle. I thought I would love giving her a bottle because it would give me some more freedom. But I've come to (mostly) enjoying nursing her. Its a bonding experience and its cool to know my body is designed to nurture and feed her.

I love her so much. She is amazing. She is getting to be so fun. Smiling and a cooing. Today I was going through her closest putting things away and I held up an outfit and go "do you like this one sweetie." and she just smiled as if to say "yea" Ha so cute. She gets prettier and prettier each day. Her eyes seem to get more and more blue too. I wonder if they'll stay. (my eyes are mostly green but change blue depending on the day and Kellen's are light blue) I am not sure who she looks like. Her face is so round and both Kellen and I have long faces.

It is getting increasing difficult to have Kellen gone. I really miss him a lot. I can't wait for the weekend because I know he will be around. I honestly do not know how single moms do it. I can't imagine working full time to support a baby and also having to do everything around the house and with the baby. Talk about a super mom! I have a hard time just keeping the house in order and making dinner that isn't burnt (as seen by my last post). I'm so blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with Lainey, but I don't want Kellen to miss everything with her too.

Burnt Dinner

I am so blessed that my husband is willing to work 2 jobs so I can be a stay-at-home mom and watch our daughter grow! He works incredibly hard and long hours and barely even complains! I love him so much. He is a wonderful father, great husband and my very best friend! I can't imagine my life without him and I am so incredibly for the journey we get to embark on together. I wish we got to spend more time together but unfortunatly we don't right now. We know it's just temporary and eventually things will be more ideal.

I can't wait for him to get home so we can have our late night dinner. I actually cooked! Ha its a little burnt thanks for a crying baby, but he never complains. What a sweetie! We just enjoy eating a meal together.

Thanks love for eating burnt dinners and working 14/5 + sporadic Saturdays.

1 Samuel 1:27

I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted my request- 1 Samuel 1:27

Somebody asked me the other day how painful labor was. And I honestly could not remember. I mean, I know it hurt, but how much? and how would I describe the pain? What happens in a woman's mind to make her quickly forget? I think its because when you hold your child and love them, you realize you would go through any amount of pain for the joy that a child brings. I joke with Kellen that I want to be like the Duggars.

Speaking of the Duggars- man do I think they "get it." I realize they are a TV show, and entertainment at that but I think they are a pretty incredible family. Their kids seem amazing. They love the Lord have tried to raise their kids in a way pleasing to him. They view children as a gift from Him and leave it to His will as to how many they will have. They have taught on the truth of birth control and are open about their past mistakes. My mom and many other people think they are nuts. Maybe they are- but I like this insane family!

Now I'm not saying I'll have 18+ more children. But they are such a blessing from the Lord and we'll leave that in His hands!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Pslam 127:3-5

9 Years Ago...

It was 9 years ago that our country was attack by terrorists. I remember the day very clearly. It was beautiful out. A perfect temperature, the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining bright. The weather was the complete opposite of the darkness and hatred that was attacking our country.

I was in 9th grade. I was in band class when the attacks happened- the news was quickly spreading but nobody seemed to understand what was happening. I heard "a plane crashed in a building in New York" I remember the group of kids laughing and joking about the idiot pilot. Never once thinking this was the 'Pearl Harbor' of my generation. Mr. Chambers didn't mention anything, he just went on conducting like any other day. We just kept playing and practicing. Perhaps he didn't know what to say, perhaps he didn't know. I then went to American Cultures with Mr. McDermott. He was completely silent. He had the TV on and we sat there, in complete silence and watched history in the making.

I had so many questions and fears. I couldn't grasp any of what was going on. I was naive. Why would somebody do this? How can somebody hate our great country so much? What did this mean for the future? Would my life as I know it change? There was so much I didn't understand. There is still so much I don't understand.

I remember the rumor that a plane was headed for Pittsburgh. I remember the fear I had that I my parents life could be endangered. Would we sit down to dinner as a family tonight? For many families in NYC, DC and all over the country, the answer to that question was a no.

I remember all air traffic being grounded. The silence of sky was haunting. You don't realize how much we grow accustom to those noises until they are gone.

I left school early that day. I spent the day with my family grateful they were safe and we were together. I remember going to my grandma's that day and I remember my dad saying he was glad my grandpa wasn't alive to see this.

Nobody I know lost their life that day. In fact, nobody I know has lost their life fighting for our freedom since these attacks. I can't claim to be affected by the attacks nearly as much as those families who had loved ones killed that day or the families who have servicemen who won't return home to our great country. But I won't forget what happened either. I won't forget that evil and hatred is so real and I won't fail to cling to the hope and goodness that is Christ.

I love being an American and I love the freedoms that citizenship brings. I appreciate all those who sacrifice on a daily basis to give my family and I those freedoms. But September 11, 2001 taught me that the world can shattered so quickly and unexpectedly.Even though we live in the country with the greatest military with the best resources available, we still live in a fallen world. There is only one way there will ever be peace. I hope that as we reflect on the reality of this evilness and remember the families who lost loved ones that we can find hope and comfort in the sovereignty and grace of the Lord.

How can something so little....

How can something so little change everyday life so much? Oh how life is so different and this is just the beginning.

I am pretty much home 24/7. Kellen can be gone or work from 8 am -10 pm on most week days- sometimes he is able to stop home for lunch but I mostly have a lot of days where it is just Lainey and I. (and Dieter and Shelby) This gives me a lot of time to think, read, pray, browse the internet, watch tv, and other stuff that is accomplished one handed while holding a baby in the other. It can get kinda lonely, Lainey is a great listener but there are times I long for adult conversation. I've had a lot of visitors, but being 45 minutes away from friends and family doesn't make it the easiest. Going out in a public with a newborn is hard too. I can't just run to Target or the mall or even the food store. Its a big ordeal. First I have to feed Lainey and then if she is calm I can think about going. Then I have to gather up the dogs and fight with Dieter who is hiding under the bed because he doesn't like his kennel. Then I put Lainey in her car seat and take the dogs outside- usually Lainey starts screaming. I kennel the dogs or for a short trip put them in our bedroom. Then we leave- I'm usually hoping the car quiets Lainey. If it doesn't it makes shopping trips a disaster. How can something so little complicate things so much? Then I have to rush around and be home in time to nurse her again. And nursing in public is always an option, but since things are still kinda new its difficult and awkward still. How can something so little eat so often? It makes going to the store quite exhausting!

Having a newborn makes everyday tasks a challenge: showering, sleeping, eating, cleaning, cooking, doing dishes, taking the dogs and even getting the mail! How can something so little make everything a challenge?

How can something so little require so much stuff? How can something so little get sooo heavy after a while of being held? How can something so little cry and scream so loud?

Kellen used to tease me about having "prego brain"-- well hate to break it to you ladies without kiddos, but this seems to be a side effect of pregnancy that lasts awhile. Yesterday Lainey and I had to be somewhere I was all ready to go and I could not for the life of me find my keys. I was searching everywhere. Kellen had them the day before to move the car so I finally texted him, but didn't expect a respsonse because he had a flight. I was seriously almost crying. Just then I heard them jingle, they were clipped to my purse (their typical spot) which was hanging over my shoulder. UGH. Newborn lack of sleep brain. How can something so little make you feel like you're going crazy?

The list goes on and on...like How can something so little be so expensive? How can something so little poop so much? How can something so little burp and fart so loud?

But mostly how can something so little hold such a BIG place in our hearts...

In Love

I can't believe Lainey is 24 days old already. She has lost her newborn look and is getting so big! She is so long- all her little pants are going to be floods or falling off her waist. Every second of being a mom is awesome. She loves to be held and I love holding her. I know the day will come where she won't want her mom to hold her so I am taking every opportunity now. I stare at her all the time- she just might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I probably kiss her 1,000 times a day. I can't believe God gave us this precious gift. Is being a mom hard? Yes, but she makes the challenge 1,000% worth it.

Welcome To the World Lainey Mae

I never thought I would be updating this so quickly. On Wednesday night around 9:30 pm, I started very strong, rapid contractions. I had barely been having braxton hicks all day. By 9:45, I texted Kellen at work saying "I think I'm in labor" he asked if he should leave work and I didn't think he needed he to. I preceded to shower and call the doctor who told me to come in. Kellen got out of work late and didn't get home until close to 11. I was unable to get a good reading on how far apartment my contractions were, but they seemed close and intense. I was throwing up and was trying to brace myself for a long evening ahead. I was scared and had no clue what to expect.

We packed up the car, took the dogs with us and headed out the door. On the way to the hospital, the contractions seemed to grow. I threw up once, and my water broke in the process. It wasn't a huge rush since I was sitting, but I knew it had broke. We arrived at the hospital at 12:15. There was a woman in front of us whose water had just broken but she hadn't started contractions and she kept asking me if I was ok. She said jeez I hope that doesn't happen to me. It was painful. We went to triage and it felt like they were taking forever to check me. They ask you the stupidest questions. Do you really think I was thinking about the baby photographer while I was having contractions? After what seemed like hours, they finally checked me and said I was dilated to 8. I think this shocked everyone because the next thing I knew I was being rushed by 3 nurses to labor and delievery. I was there for no more than 20 minutes- got an epidural and baby girl's heart rate started to decrease. The nurse said she thought that was because I was complete and baby was ready. She gets on her pickle phone to call my doctor and see where she was. My doctor was just walking in. She comes in and checks me and I am ready to push. The whole environment was so peaceful after my epidural. I pushed for 30-40 minutes and Lainey Mae was born at 2:30 am. Kellen didn't get to cut the cord because it was wrapped around her neck, which was a bit of a scare for me. She scored 9's on both apgars! Thats my girl! She weighed 7 lbs 2 ounces and they measured her at 19 1/4 inch long (although she was remeasured at 20 3/4 inches). I was in labor for about 5 hours- I never imagined it would be so quick.

It was nothing as I imagined. I feared giving birth. All the horror stories people shared with me. I thought it would be exhausting and simply horrible. I thought I would have a very painful, long drawn out labor. I feared I would have a c-section. My birthing experience was simply beautiful. Looking back all I can remember is good things- yes the contractions were strong and very painful but overall it was wonderful. Kellen was a wonderful support, my doctor was amazing and I am just completely amazed with how good everything turned out. God is so gracious. He has blessed us tremendiously with this whole pregnancy, the complications with my appendix and her birth. I will forever remember this as a very positive experience.

And Lainey is amazing. I look at her and cannot believe God has blessed us with such a beautiful, healthy baby. I could just stare at her little face forever. I love Kellen more and more every time I see them interact. I am still amazed she was inside me, I don't know how she fit! (although she is tiny- thinking of all that in my belly is crazy) My love for the Lord has grown deeper and deeper and I feel like becoming a parent opens your eyes and soul to a whole new understanding of the love the Father has for us.

We've been home for a week now. Kellen has been off work and we have enjoyed the time as a family. It is easier than I thought and more difficult at the same time. Nursing is the biggest challenge I have, but its getting easier. Lainey and I are learning together. I am exhausted some of the time and feel great other times. I am scared for Kellen to go back to work because he has been a great help. My mom, sisters and mother in law have been a tremendous support system. We have not had to cook a single meal all week. Once again, I am just taken back by how blessed we been through this all. God is so good.

1 Day!!

Had my "40 week" appointment today. We have progressed to 2+ cm dilated, 90% effaced and dropped to station 0. My doctor doesn't think she'll see me next week. They also told me I wouldn't see my due date 3 weeks ago, so I am learning to take it all with a grain of sand. As anxious as I am to meet her and hold her and not be pregnant anymore. I am realizing I will miss her kicks, hicuups and being able to protect her! There is a lot I won't miss though! Everyday I have taken time to just kick back, relax and focus on the miracle of life in me.

6 Days..but who's counting..

We have 6 days until our due date. Had my 39 week appointment yesterday and it was very uneventful. No weight gain, no further dilation or effacement. I left feeling like I am going to be pregnant forever. Everyday is torture- we just want to meet her already. I can't believe I have had series of painful contractions for nooo reason at all. UGH. I'm hoping my water just breaks soon, then I know the end is near. Plus, I have atleast 10 people a day ask me if I'm still pregnant or say "would you just pop already?" Talk about discouraging!

I really hope I am not pregnant for another 3 weeks. And I don't really want to be induced considering that increases your chances of a C-section by a lot. Week 40 day 1...I'm bringing out all the wive tales: bumpy roads, spicy foods, pineapple, walking, etc....

We'll take her anyday. The sooner the better in our opinion. Pray for us as we continue this journey and we'll keep you all up to date!

The Nursery!

Its finally done! There was a ton of do-it-yourself projects that went into the room. Including my bedding which was made by my lovely best friend, Stacy's sister (and I think mom). We had to do neutrals in the apartment so we painted 3 walls tan and one wall darker tan. It is a very peaceful room! I love it. All it is missing is our little girl!

Doctor Update

I promised I would share an update from the doctor. Nothing too exciting going on with baby girl. She has dropped and stationed at -1 and I can breath! Other than that I'm not dilated and about 40% effaced. Doctor puts her right at 7 lbs if I go full term- sounds perfect! I've stopped gaining weight which the doctor doesn't seem concerned about and I'm enjoying!

I go again on Thursday. I will be exactly 37 weeks and considered full term! YIPPEEE

And apparently her beautiful handmade bedding is sitting at our house waiting for her (we've been dog sitting Tess at my parents all week). This should complete the nursery! Except I'm trying to get her talented aunt to paint some cute little wall decorations. So excited. Its such a relaxing, peaceful room.

to my darling husband

this is kinda mushy gushy- but its a tribute to my sweet husband.

Dear Kellen,
When we found out we were expecting 8 months ago, we were both a bag full of emotions. We were exciting and felt blessed beyond belief, but completely overwhelmed and scared of the unknowns. We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into. You were so sweet and supportive. I appreciate how you came to every appointment you could, the time you stopped at the store to get me a crazy craving, and how you tried to make me feel better about all the strange changes happening with my body. You've been working so hard the whole time we have been married to support first me while in school and now our family. I know your various jobs aren't fun or what you would like to be getting paid for, but you always had a great attitude and work ethic. You should be proud of yourself for that. You have really stepped up as the provider of this family. You have also been a great leader as I struggle in my faith you are there to remind of the simple truths of God's grace and plan for our lives.

Now our little girl is almost here and I cannot believe how much of the family she is already. You tell and kiss her goodnight. She wakes up and responds to you. I think she knows when you put your hands on my belly because she always starts dancing- and just think soon she'll be dancing standing on your feet. I love how when we talk we always says something about "I can't wait til she's old enough to do this or go here..." or we day dream about what she'll like, what color hair she has and all the fun, challenging and difficult times to come. I've gotten to hold and carry this little one for months now, and even though I am very excited to hold her in my arms I might be more excited for you to see you hold your daughter for the first time. I can almost picture the nervousness and joy on your face. You will be a wonderful father.

I truly believe our love for each other is so much stronger than it was before. It was our love and God's love for us that has created this new life. I cannot believe I get to share this adventure with such an amazing guy and friend. As our marriage and family grows, so does our relationship. While I know it will be difficult, I am confident we will both always work to keep our marriage a central element of our family. Thank you for all you do, all you are and everything you are working to improve. I love you my darling husband.

Rain Rain

Rain, rain go away come again another day....When I was a kid, I hated rain. It ruined outside fun and made for long, boring days inside. I didn't understand the necessicity of rain. As I have grown older I have come to appreciate rain but more than that I have come to welcome the rain and storms.

Rain is so necessary. Without it nothing would grow or survive. It cools down the earth when it just seems too hot. The storms bring about a peace- and its always when I need to kick back and relax the most or when I need to focus on getting things done inside the house. They bring about new life, makes everything refreshed and green. I love falling asleep to thunderstorms- it reminds me of God's greatness, his power and his might.

The same is true about rain and storms in our life. As we grow deeper in our faith, I think we come to welcome the rain. We come to learn that without storms, our faith wouldn't grow. Although it may temporary disrupt our plans and ruin our fun, in the end it leads to greener grass. Although the best days are sunny, we wouldn't appreciate them if it wasn't for the rain...

Baby Practice?

I was thinking the other day how raising a puppy is probably the closest thing to you can do to practice for your first child. Here is my thought:

1. In anticipation for the puppy, we went shopping for a collar, a vet, a "crib", had to get puppy chow, toys, etc. Basically before we even had the puppy we had a nice chunk of cash invested in things we didn't even know if we would use.
2. I remember getting Dieter at 8 weeks old. He was 1.8 lbs. I was expecting him to be playful and fun, but he slept all of the time, showed little or no interest in toys and had to be carried many places I went.
3. He didn't sleep through the night for a long time. He woke me up every 3 hours to go to the bathroom. I remember getting excited when I actually got to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time!
4. I almost had to take a "puppy leave". I was doing my internship in Florida at the time and had to run home every couple hours to let him outside to use the bathroom. I was constantly rearranging my schedule to take him to the vets for his monthly visits.
5. He came every where with me- I went to dinner, he went. Instead of a stroller, he fit in my purse.
6. It was an exciting moment when he learned to "sit" for the first time, recognized his name and recognized us.
7. Now he follows me everywhere I go. I trip over him. and if he isn't right by my side I know he is getting in trouble. Which brings me to the point that just as you have to puppy proof you're home just like you baby proof it.

Ha now obviously babies are not puppies. I can't crate my baby, although the pack n play is pretty close to it and there are leashes for children! The reward with a child is so much greater as is the work and responsibility. We are excited to move on from raising a puppy to a little girl. But perhaps all those teenagers on Muarry should try raising a puppy first ;-)

On a more serious note, baby girl and I are doing well. We are 35 weeks now. Its so crazy how fast time flies. On the 12th we are one month away. I keep thinking she will be early. I am scared and so excited too. The heat is the biggest struggle. I have been feeling much better since my doctor switched my medicine- wonder if all the heartburn will be a sign of hair! I am still working 35+ hours a week. It has lead to mild swelling and what I call "sausage" toes. I go on Monday to see if I am dilated or effaced at all. I have been having a lot of braxton hicks and I am almost positive she "dropped" because I look different, feel more pressure in my bladder, and am more comfortable as far as my ribs and breathing can go. I'll update Monday after my appointment!

Blessed

My wonderful parents and sister's threw me two lovely baby showers. One this weekend and one last. We got a lot of really nice things for baby girl. Tons of adorable clothes and lots of useful items. It is amazing how many things such a tiny person needs! It makes things even more exciting. I am enjoying putting together her nursery and soon we will be meeting her and using all our wonderful presents. Thank you so much every one for your love and support for us and our growing family. We are blessed to have such a loving support system. I will be sure to post pictures of her finished nursery!

Sometimes you're the pigeon, sometimes you're the statue

I now have a 45 minute commute to work and 45 minutes back. Normally I hate driving, I always make Kellen drive everywhere we go because I just hate driving. I don't mind being a passenger but I hate driving. But lately I have welcomed this time. I spend almost every night driving home thinking and praying. It has led to some really good time spent with God. He has called me to deeper levels of faith and challenged me in some good ways. I've been reminded of his promises in scripture and convicted on many items. Many questions are still left unanswered, but its not for me to worry about. No matter what the answers are our future is secure in the Lord.

Its hard to believe that we are 8 weeks away from our due date now. I am getting so incredibly excited. I noticed at work tonight that I might be starting to "nest". I had a strange burst of energy and could not stop cleaning! We are finally putting her room together. I've washed the majority of the stuff we have for her and organized in her drawers. We ordered her crib ( a lovely gift from my parents) and I can't wait to set it up!! I love sitting in her room on the rocking chair and just day dream about her. Wondering what she'll look like and what she'll like to do for fun, what toys she'll like, what her first word will be. At my doctors appointment yesterday it hit Kellen how soon it will be until she is here. I can't wait to see him interact with her. She's going to be such a daddy's girl and I am certain I will fall more and more in love with him as I watch him father our daughter. I can't believe how different things will be in 2 months. I also can't lie- I'm excited to not be pregnant anymore. I continue to be sick and feel lousy and on top on it I struggle to sleep at night. I am so clumsy and forgetful. I don't recognize my self anymore. I'll miss the bonding time we share- but I won't be losing that its just changing how it happens.


As far as the title of this post, just a cute lighthearted saying I read this week. Sometimes you just need little reminders....

31 week pictures...

Hellllooooo bellly.....

Single Digits..

We are 9 weeks away from baby girl's EDA. Thanks to the hard work of my MIL (on her birthday) her room is all painted. I just need to decide to what wall decoration to put up for her owl theme. The first is from Target and uber cheap, the second is about $42 and the third (probably my favorite) is a whopping $73 bucks. Number 2 is a lot like our bedding though..hmmm What do you think?

We are also working on getting her furniture together. So much baby furniture is rated crappy or is very expensive. My dad suggested that I refinish our bedroom furniture for her and we get new stuff...very tempting but its a lot of work and time. At 8 months pregnant, I am not feeling extremely ambitious. Heck, I can't even get our house unpacked and organized. We have so much stuff its unreal. I just want to take it to the trash can and not deal with it.

Kellen's job isn't getting much better. He has some opportunities to move up at FedEx so we are hoping that one of those work out. Trying not to stress about it all but every day things become more and more unsure and every day we are one day closer to having a baby. Life sure isn't what I thought it would be. Some parts are better than I ever dreamed of and some are a lot worse and most are just plain different than I imagined. It just goes to show you can't plan everything in your life- its easier just to trust God and go for the ride.

We haven't been able to check out any churches since moving in. I've been sick every Sunday morning. We've listened to a few online sermons but you can't judge a church by that. I can't believe my morning sickness has returned. So frustrating!

Saturday night Kellen and I tried to have a nice date night and I ended up running from the dinner table and throwing up all my dinner. This is becoming more frequent. I have no appetite and sometimes struggle to breath- just more signs that the baby in me is growing big and healthy. We invested in a pregnancy wedge to help me sleep more comfortably and so far its been wise investment. I'm also concerned about my weight gain. I do not want to gain too much. At 29 weeks 5 days, I was up 16 pounds. They told me to gain 25-35 but that seems like so much. It seems like I am right on track to gain a pound a week. It just is becoming emotional draining to feel so large, unattractive and clumsy. I don't think there is a single part of my body I recognize anymore.

I'll post belly "mountain" pictures soon- well as soon as we find the camera!

Climbing the Mountains...

We are about 10 weeks to go (hopefully) until we meet our beautiful little girl and I officially have a mountain coming off my belly. Its not a bump, or a hump but an Applachian mountain. I think as we continue this journey, will be be visitng the Rockies, Alps and Himalays.

I am so excited to see her face and hold her in my arms, but I am also really enjoying this awesome bonding time. Every kick and squirm brings me joy- I now understand why I'll miss this. I told Kellen he should be incredibly jealous that I get to feel her all the time. I really enjoy watching my belly move all around. I've been feeling something hard on my right side about 4 inches up from my belly button. I wish I could see what it is. I miss having ultrasounds, seeing her heartbeat and her personality displayed in the womb. I have also started to notice kicks on my bladder, those are painful.

Speaking of mountains, I feel like our life is at an uphill climb. I stand at the bottom, overwhelmed by what stands in my way. I'm beginning to think life isn't always greener on the other side. Kellen's job isn't nearly as reliable as we had hoped. Its disappointing. Right now we are making do and I am working more hours because I have the time to, but time is running out and soon I won't be working at all and to be completely honest we cannot make ends meet on just his Fedex salary. We were definatly hoping for more. If he got another job his chances of flying would be cut down drastically. I don't know how long we keep trying this out. Its been four weeks and no real pay. And to make things worse, we moved just so he could be closer to a job that he isn't getting hours at. The upside is he has been around more to help get things done at the old apartment and we get to enjoy lunch together and he visits me at work. I do just love spending time with him but we can't afford this much longer and I hate to tap into our savings. Needless to say, I am beyond stressed and I think Kellen is too but he is a little more calmer than I am. We continue to relay on God.

I am also discouraged because I wish I didn't have to work at starbucks. I want to scan. I miss it. Despite it being illegal, nobody will hire me because I am so obviously pregnant and it just annoying. There is always a way around it.

As we get settled in to our new place, keep a few things in your prayers. 1. We really want to get involved in a good, strong, Biblical sound church. We don't know too much about the area and church hunting can be extremely discouraging. 2. Give us the energy and strength to work and get unpacked and organized before baby comes so life might be less chaotic once she is here. 3. Jobs and money. Its easy to say don't worry, but bills are real. 4. Peace. I am so restless anymore. I long for stability and schedules. Hopefully we can face the mountain bit by bit, step by step instead of seeing it for the giant climb it is.

paint, paint, clean

It feels so good to be done with school, but life has been anything but relaxing. First I had my boards, which I passed with flying colors-- yippy. Then I had my glucose test. I was told if it was bad, I would hear something at the end of the week. Well on Friday I got a call from the doctor, but they didn't leave a message so I waited all weekend to learn it was just my iron- not my sugar! Once again-- yippy! So two big tests and I passed them both-- ahhh atleast a little stress gone.

And now all my free time has been occupied by trying to get our new place ready to move into. It was filthy. Kellen and I along with our parents and Chrissy have spent many hours painting and cleaning. Thank goodness for wonderful help. I wonder how people feel like they can rent places like this...and even more than that what kind of sucker rents them. Ha the price was right and it fit our needs. It is nice because I get to paint babes room how I want it too. :-)

Now we move officially on Saturday. Moving sucks. It is super stressful and I want to be more help but people don't let me. Appearantly when you're pregnant you are suppose to take it easy..ha ha. Its hard because most times I forget that I am pregnant except for when I try to bend over and do something and realize there is a big belly in my way.

Pregnancy is going...quickly! We are less than 3 months away from meeting our beautiful little girl. We are finished registering and are starting to get her room ready. I think I am officially in my third trimester and we start going to see the doctor every 2 weeks now. Whew...I can't even imagine how things will be different. It will be wonderful though.

Done!

Today was my last day at clinical. It feels so good to be done. I worked really hard over the last two years and I have learned so much. I am at so much peace about the future too. I haven't spent much time looking for jobs because Kellen and I aren't sure what is going to happen once the baby comes. I did have an interview for a job that I would like to have, but I am not expecting anything to come from it! For now we both were at agreement that if possible, I should try to be a stay home mom. This decision leaves me torn. I want to be home but I also would like to use everything I learned over the past two years. I was listening to the radio the other day and Harry Chapin's Cats in the Cradle came on....and it reminded me of priorities again. Like I said I am very much at peace right now in the Lord's plan. Everything will work out just the way it is supposed to.

In other news, we are 99 days away from our due date! Ah, it will go so fast. That is about 14 weeks away...
I haven't been naseauted or sick in about a week! I am actually feeling much better. I have more energy and am rather comfortable. Better late than never! I am now dealing with charley horses in my left calf. OUCH. I can hardly walk. Appearantly this is relatively common in pregnancy but it is not fun at all. My dad swears by putting soap at the foot on the bed, so we will try that tonight.

Anxiously Waiting

Ah getting hugeee and I'm only 26 weeks!

Just wanted to share-- I can't wait to meet our little girl! hehe

And I'm super excited my husband doesn't have to work Sundays anymore. A day for sure us to be together, sleep until 9:30!! (atleast for now), relax, grow in our relationship with the Lord and one another.

Things that Make My Life a Little Bit Better...

Some things that just make life a little bit sweeter....

Coke....mmmm

My loving and supportive parents

Tums for my continous heartburn

The truth of God's love and plan for us

My beautiful fur babies
Shelby

Dieter

My amazing hardworking, supportive husband

Let Your Kingdom Come Here in my Heart

I addicted to Lincoln Brewster's song The Power of Your Name. Which has really made me reflect on mission work. I miss it. I miss all the wonderful things I experienced serving in various locations. I miss those adorable, smiling, dirty Guatemalan faces. I can't wait until our girl is old enough and we can go somewhere and serve together! I will never forget serving side by side with my dad and sister.

I have a week and 2 days of school left!! Which hopefully will give me some free time to pack our place up and study for my boards. But I am also hoping that after we find a place to live and our schedules become a little more stable that I can volunteer at the Pregnancy Care Center doing ultrasounds! This would be an awesome way to serve and keep up on my experience! I will be contacting them very soon.

And I will live to carry your compassion to love a world thats broken, to be your hands and feet. And I will give with the life that I've been given and go beyond religion to see the world be changed by the power of Your name...

24 Week Update

Feelings about being pregnant: I'm over it. Completely over it. I feel guilty I don't enjoy this amazing journey, but its not pleasurable. My friend told me the more I hate being pregnant the less I will be terrified of labor. Perhaps there is truth in that. If baby girl could come now and be completely healthy and ready I would welcome her with open arms. Of course I will endure 16+ more weeks for her well being and would never wish her to come early for my benefit. Kicks are becoming painful and frequently on my bladder. Heartburn is becoming severe. And morning sickness is as real as ever. Oh yea, and yesterday I went to bed around 11 and was up 4 times to pee before Kellen got up for work at 2:45. UGHHH people tell me to rest up before the baby, well that isn't happening!

Cravings: Meat and banana popsicles! I could have a continuous banana popsicle and be happy. My appetite is increased though for sure!

Changes: I'm ten pounds heavier and counting. Not thrilled about gaining weight and starting to not be able to see my toes! My belly really popped out lately! My pants still fit, but could use some cute maternity tops! My skin has become super sensitive, but mostly just under my arms. I cannot use the deodorant I have used for years because it makes me so itchy! I have been using Kellen's axe but should see about getting some dove sensitive skin stuff. How bizarre!

Preparations: We have very little ready. We haven't registered yet. We know we are doing an OWL theme for the nursery, but considering we don't know where we are living we don't have anything together. I am even starting to doubt the name we have for her!

Coming up: Kellen and I are registering soon. My biggest upcoming concern for the pregnancy is my glucose test for gestation diabetes. This can be very serious, and I pray I do not have this! We do our testing in a little over 2 weeks.

Biggest Adjustments so far: Dealing with my changing body and not knowing what to expect and people touching me, and not being able to get comfortable enough to sleep.

I'll post pictures soon!

Update

As of now it looks like we will be staying in the Pittsburgh area. I really thought we were going to move to Florida. Kellen accepted a flight position in Beaver so we will be around our family and friends as we start our family. Its exciting- I am glad because I really like my OBs and did not want to transfer to a new doctor's care. And Kellen and I both agreed being near family was important, we just were losing hope of it happening. We trusted God had a plan we just figured it included moving. God is good.

We are looking to move. We gave up our apartment and have to be out by May 31, which will be here SOON! As of now we don't have any place to live but we have a few apartments we plan on looking at in the surrounding areas. I'm picky when it comes to apartments- if it was just Kellen and I it would be different but with a baby I want a decent place.

I am slowly feeling better from having my appendix removed. The big incision is still very sore and I have trouble finding a comfortable sleeping position. So I toss and turn and start my day exhausted. School doesn't allow for much of a break and even though I had a week off, its just stressful because I have to make up 16 hours. Yuck. I'm just putting it off until after because I'm too busy to squeeze in the time now.

Our baby girl is doing great. We did a growth on her at school and she is weighing 1 lb 3 ounces. This is a little below the 50% so she is right on track. We can't wait to meet her, but know its best if its not for another 16 weeks!

Hiccups!

For those of you who know my family well, know that my sisters and I cannot take a sip of pop without it being followed by a hiccup. It still makes Kellen laugh to this day. Everytime without fail. I am not sure why we are like this but we are. Anyway, I think baby girl is going to be a hiccup-er! I felt them today for the first time. It was a crazy feeling. Everytime she moves I really enjoy it but sometimes it creeps me out a little! Its just so crazy to think of a living person in there!

Kellen and I were talking today, we can't believe how soon she will be here. We can't wait of course, but are nervous too!

Cost of Living

I am anxious to see how much my hospital bills total from the stay, tests, medicines and surgery. I was researching the cost for an appendectomy and people's bills were around $20,000-30,000. YIKES! Thank the Lord for insurance. So glad my husband works so hard at a crappy job that offers good benefits! I think our out of pocket max is $2,000, which we would have to pay with the baby anyway!

So many people were complaining that they didn't have insurance and were going to refuse to pay their bill because after 7 years it wouldn't affect their credit anymore. Other's mentioned just by explaining their lack of insurance problem to the to the hospital BEFORE the hospital contacted them, their bills were dropped by atleast 30%!

But my thing is this surgery saved my life and our baby's! What price can I put on that?? Would I be extremely sad and frustrated and stressed if we had a $20,000 bill to pay? Yes of course I would, but people spend this on cars every day. Surely my life is worth more than a car, even Kellen would agree and he loves cars! Why do the people who refuse to pay for this surgery feel like they are entitled to free healthcare? When you need a service you pay it, if you don't its stealing. It is easy to think about not paying because those people are alive still today, but without that surgery they would be dead. $20,000 or death. I know what I'd choose.

Just food for thought.

Magee- my second home.

Soo last night after church, the husband and I stopped by starbucks to visit with some coworkers where I became mildly uncomfortable. On the drive home, I got a lot of severe pain all of my abdominal. I thought it was just normal ligamental pain. About an hour later, and struggling to eat any dinner at all. I started to throw up and the pain was more severe. We called the OB who said to come into the ER. However, after throwing up I was feeling better and thought they were just chuckle at us being over cautious since it our first and send us home.

Well they tested my urine and blood. My WBC was mildly elevated. Felt my abdominal a bunch and came up with a differential diagnosis: appendicitis or ligamental strecthing pain. They tried to convince me to have a CT scan to rule out appendicitis since my symptoms and pain were text book. Worried about baby girl, I was relucant but agreed. As I was drinking the contrast, I became very sick again throwing up. As I was in the middle of CT I started to freak out thinking I made the wrong decision, I was putting baby girl in danger and for no reason because I was fine. I was exhausted- its now 4 am and I just wanted to go home.

Around 5, they confirmed I indeed had appendicitis. I was shocked and literally told the doctor. "NO WAY". By 7 am I was in surgery. They were able to do the surgery laproscopic and although I am in pain, its probably just good practice for labor.


Moral of the story...you're pain might be serious. So don't always be stubborn. If I would have waiting my appendix could have burst which would more than likely cause me to lose our precious baby!


God is good and has given us great medical technology in this country. Pray for a quick and easy recover for me!

Psalm 4

Answer me when I call to you,
O my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame
How long will you love delusions and seek false gods
Selah

Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself;
the LORD will hear when I call to him.

In your anger do not sin;
when you are on your beds,
search your hearts and be silent.
Selah

Offer right sacrifices
and trust in the LORD.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.

You have filled my heart with greater joy
than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety.



How sweet is the peace that comes from the Lord- let his glorious name be praised!

Wouldn't it be nice...

maybe someday, if we win the lottery..until then I'll take my half of the man cave and my card table.

plus, I haven't been married that long to need such a great escape from my husband. ha ha

My Strength Comes From You

Last week was torture. I cried almost every free second I had. I barely made it through class, clinical and work. I cried myself to sleep most of the nights. Kellen had no words for me. My family, although trying to offer my hope, did little good. I was sad, mad, confused and frustrated. I felt disappointed in life in so many ways. I haven't felt such despair, such brokenness and so much sadness in such a long time. Satan was attacking and was winning.

But God is bigger. And I have been reminded of his love and grace to his children. Through seeking and reading God's word (I have been working through Psalms and 1 Samuel) I have been able to find some peace and comfort. Though situations have not changed and life is as uncertain as ever, my view towards everything has. I know I must keep seeking him through the difficult times. I am trying to listen to him more intently. I have been so good at telling him my concerns and desires, but slow to listen and truly seek him.

I have also been given the opportunity to get some extra rest this week because of spring break which has been extremely beneficial. In addition, Kellen and I both have taken time off work to spend with one another, a stay-cation if you wish. We would appreciate your continued prayers as we face so many big changes in the near future, look to relocate and find better jobs.

Baby girl seems to be moving less. She gets more active for Kellen- proving herself to be a daddy's girl already. I can feel myself getting more and more uncomfortable and more and more hungry. Most maternity clothes are still too large and most of my jean are becoming snug- an awkward stage to be in. We went today with Melissa and Audrey to look at things to register for. That is going to be a daunting task. Its amazing how something so small can need so many things. Baby girl is still nameless- MIL is calling her Noname (no-nam-ee) kinda cute nickname for now.

Wiggle Worm

When she squirms, it tickles! I love it. Its a bond only her and I share most of the time. I can't help but touch my belly with hopes of kicks and punches from her sweet little hands. A reminder of the precious life God is growing. One day her movement will probably hurt me...but until then be a wiggle worm little girl! I have been feeling movement for a long time now, but last night Kellen really felt her move a lot. It was exciting. I love watching him love our little girl so much already. What a daddy's girl.

I thought we had finally decided on a name-- only to hear Kellen was uncertain and didn't think he liked it anymore. Ugh! I am done making suggestions because I really like it still. Its his turn to be creative.

Pregnancy as well as the stresses of life are getting to me. I am so discouraged and have the energy to do nothing. Today I have done nothing but go to clinical, nap, watch TV, and eat crescent rolls. It's only Monday, I don't know how I'll have the strength to fight through the rest of the week. I hope to use my spring break as a time to really focus on the Lord and refocus my heart on him. Both Kellen and I took time off and this would be a great thing for us to do.

Anatomy Pictures

Pictures from our anatomy scan at 19 weeks:







The 3D pictures aren't great because 1. she only weighs like 8 ounces and fat makes the cute 3D pictures you see and 2. she was not cooperating towards the end when we tried to see her face. If you can make it out, the first is her little head and the second she has her hands over her face hiding, begging for no more pictures!

We love her so much.

We're having a.....

Today we went for our half way point anatomy scan. It was great. Both my parents and Kellen were able to come. Not only were they able to see the baby, but they got to see what I am studying in school- a little peak into my career.

Baby is great. Everything looks perfect. Strong heart, beautiful bones and spine, no lip deformity, fluid good, feet perfect, very active and totally beautiful!
The tech that did our scan was wonderful. Its great to have some connections. She tried to get us some cute 3-ds, but baby's position was sub par. The tech said my placenta is posterior, which means I will feel a ton of movement.

Anyway, it was confirmed that baby is all GIRL. She is lovely. She is just so precious and Kellen and I are way in love with her already. We don't have a name picked out yet, but are working hard on trying to come up with the perfect one!

I am still having some pretty severe, but unexplained cramping. It makes me really uncomfortable and can be pretty painful. Please pray it goes away soon.

I wanted to post pictures of today scan, but I am too exhausted to do so. I will try on Saturday to upload them.

Sigh of Relief

Over the last few days I have had some cramping. Some mild, some severe. I wasn't too worried as I thought it was just from my uterus stretching, but on Thursday night I had some bleeding. It was quite scary. We called the doctor and she wanted me to be seen on Friday morning, unless I got worse.

So today I went in and the doctor examined me and couldn't find anything noticeably wrong that could cause the bleeding, but ordered an ultrasound for a cervical length and placenta position. She wanted this done today. I was nervous since I am down in the OB department and nobody even knew I was pregnant. Well, I told them and they saw me right away (benefits of being an ultrasound student)! Well, I got to see our little baby again. The heart beat was 160 and strong. My placenta isn't covering the cervix and my cervix length is great. This is all good news.

I continue to have some cramping, but no more bleeding. Perhaps it was just a fluke thing. I was told to rest up, try to stay off my feet and be catered to. So today I took a wonderful nap and did some shopping.

I can't believe how much I love this little baby already. I am just overjoyed and majorly relieved that everything looked good today. We still have our big ultrasound next Thursday.

Texas Anyone?

I am extremely hopeful right now. Kellen has been seaarching for a flight job for over a year now. He has been limited to the area because of me finishing up school, but as graduation nears he has been searching all over the country. Back in February her was offered a position in Kentucky, but there were a lot of disadvantages to this position. And it was in the middle of no where, super small towns. He has until April or so to decide about this job. Recently he was called for an interview in Texas. Texas totally trumps Kentucky in my opinion. In fact, Texas is in the top 5 states I would want to relocate to if necessary.

1. North Carolina
2. South Carolina
3. Texas
4. Colorado
5. Oregon or Washington

Anyway, he is going to fly down for the interview. It would be a great flight position for him. He would get great experience and Texas has year long flight weather. So I am hopeful. I feel like things really haven't been going our way with a lot of things and I have been extremely discouraged with so many things, but I am hopeful with this. Of course, this would be a huge move for us (especially being super pregnant) and the average is 95. But it would be worth it. I am over excited and can't stop looking at apartments! I think it will help Kellen get his career started and lead to great things in the future for our family. Prayers would be much appreciated. I'll keep you all update.

17 Weeks Down....

I am still having pretty bad swings of morning sickness. Today I barely made it through clinical- I kept thinking I was going to throw up on patients. It is a horrible experience. I really thought by now I would feel better.

In other words, I am just over 17 weeks. By demand, I will post my belly picture. It "popped" over night around 15 weeks, but hasn't grown much since then. I don't even recognize my body anymore. Pregnancy really does change everything. Kellen has been so supportive. He loves my growing belly- always touching and kissing baby. Its wonderful to see him be a great father already.

I am feeling little peanut move a ton. Especially this afternoon. It tickles. Sometimes I just start giggling out loud because he or she is tickeling me--from the inside! I love feeling movement, I know towards the end movement can become uncomfortable so I am soaking in all the goodness of it now. Feeling the little squirms makes me realize just how awesome its going to be to hold this bugger for the first time. I just might not want to share with Kellen at first :-)

So here is me: exhausted after a long week of midterms, 17 weeks pregnant and sick.

Mom and Dad and Baby make 3

Our family is growing, and so is my belly! Yes, I'm pregnant!! Our little baby is due to arrive on August 12, 2010. That makes me just over 16 weeks.

We found out December 3 that we were expecting our little bundle of joy. I was extremely sick for a long time and we were apprehensive to share the news too early, but we are now excited to share this journey with all of you.
Since this is my last semester in ultrasound school and we are studying OB, my classmates and I have enjoyed taking pictures of baby Cottrell as he or she grows on a weekly basis since week 9 or so. I love watching my baby! Our peanut loves to wave to us. I think everytime I see the babes, the hand is waving.

They have made gender guesses- but we don't go for our official anatomy scan until March 18th. We will more than likely find out if we should buy pink or blue!

Either way we love our baby so much already and cannot wait until August to see that beautiful miracle in person!

(sorry for the poor image quality- they are from my phone)