Photos of The Day

So already on day 2 of I'm finding my 365 days of photos have been more difficult than anticipated. I'm lacking creativity. Hopefully, I can find better things to take photos of soon. Lainey and I had an adventure yesterday but stupid me I forgot the camera.

Day 2: November 15 Ever have a day where you feel like you are running on E? Thats how this week feels. The coloring isn't the best. PS: I also need air in my tires.

Day 3: November 16 I like the lighting a lot in this photo. The clouds were really pretty. Taken at the mall in Robinson.

365 Days in Pictures

I have always been the type of person who thrives when faced with a ton to do. I like keeping busy. So I am combining my desire to keep busy with my love for photography and I am going to start a "photo a day journal" although I might not be able to to update my photos everyday, I am going to make sure to take atleast one photo a day. It will help me improve my photography skills and take a little time for me each day to something I enjoy! That being said, if anybody ever wants me to shoot some photos for you (babies, families, couples, etc) I'd be thrilled. It would be for free as long as I could add them to my portfolio! Who knows, maybe someday I'll be talented enough to open my own studio. What an awesome job that would be!

November 14, 2010 I love you, Stinky Face

truly, this dog is one of the stinkiest...

My Own Enemy

Its been a while since I've written. Life has been happening at full speed and my mind has been racing on many many things, but I often don't know how to express the many thoughts I have.

I believe I have chronic fatique. Now this may not seem like a big deal because I have a 3 month old baby and as any parent can tell you- its exhausting. Yes, I realize that, however I am beyond exhausted. In fact I am so exhausted I can't sleep. And honestly, I can't even blame Lainey because she sleeps 8-10 hours a night and has been since she was 5 weeks old. With this, I am overly anxious. I lay awake at night wondering and thinking and running through a million scenerios in my head. I worry about the 'what-ifs' in life, I stress about everything big and little, and my very active imagination tortures my exhausted self. When it comes to sleep I am my own worse enemy. I toss and turn and those 8 hours that Lainey gives me, turns into a very poorly slept evening. I am usually more tired waking up than when I went to bed. Kellen is the complete opposite of me. Nothing keeps him awake at night. He never worries and the thing that I cannot understand for the life of me is he claims (frequently) that he can think about nothing. I can't even imagine not having a thought in my head. My mind constantly races. This makes me very envious of him.

We're big Family Guy fans. (Mom, I know, I know HORRIBLE show). However, there is one episode where Lois is dealing with Peter and being the worrying woman and they show her brain "I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor" I'm driving myself to have a tumor...

So admitting to a problem is the first step in fixing it. I'm blaming my problem on worry and anxiety. Now why do I worry? I guess to be answer this honestly. Its a LACK of faith. I doubt God's perfect plan for my life, I question his will for my family, I over think everything and under trust Him. Once again Kellen is the opposite.He trusts blindly and questions almost nothing. So my goal is stop worrying and start trusting. Any encouraging words/books/bible verses would be great! Also help keep me accountable! We'll see how this goes- but I know if I can do this my quality of life will greatly increase! And maybe I won't end up with a tumor... :-p

Anyway, Lainey is almost 3 months and is doing awesome! I'll be sure to right about her soon- after all she is way more interesting than I am.

Joy in Journey

We may not every travel Europe as we'd hope and my body may never go back to how it was prepregnancy, I may never have my dream house or my career and my life will always be a lot less me and a lot more of someone else..there is so much joy in our journey.

But here we are on a journey of life. We were entrusted with a precious gift- we were given her to love... unconditionally. Teach... the truth of the Lord and what it means to follow him. Empower... her to be the best she can and serve God with her whole heart. To forgive... as we are forgiven. To discipline... for her own good as the Father disciplines us. To provide for her needs and sometimes her desires. It isn't a gift to be taken lightly and if the Lord thought we could handle it- we can. And aren't we so honored to be given this gift...

I get emotional when I think about the birth of Lainey. It is by the grace of God that she is here. He WILLED her into exsistance. She is a creation- not designed by me or Kellen, although we were certainly a part of it, but rather by the great Creator. Not our time, but his. A part of his plan here for his purpose and his glory. Her birthday was picked before she was even conceived- he knows the hairs on her head, and the last breath she will take. He knitting her together in my womb- her strengths and weakness, passions and dislikes all unique for God's glory. God's plan is perfect- not just part of the journey but all of it.

Romans 8:28-39

To Be Held

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the rock eternal. He humbles those who dwell on high, he lays the lofty city low, he levels it to the ground and casts it down to the dust. Feet trample it down- the feet of the oppressed, the footsteps of the poor. The path of the righteous is level, O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth. Isaiah 26:3-7 .

Being a mom has taught me/reminded me a lot about our heavenly Father and what it is to be a child of God.

Sometimes Lainey cries for what appears to be gas pains. The other day was one of these time...I scooped her up in my arms and found myself telling her many things to soothe her in hopes she'll stop crying. W ithout really thinking I started to mutter. It went something like this: Lainey, I'm your mom and I love you. You don't have to cry I'll always be here for you. Don't worry. You don't have to cry. You can trust me. I'll feed you when you're hungry, clothe you when your cold and hold you when you're hurt or sad. I'll watch over you and protect you. I love you, you're precious to me. Have faith in me. Then it hit me. God asks the same thing of us. We need to faith have in him. He knows our needs and he will watch over us, protect and hold us. He loves us. We are so precious to him-so much so that he wants us to spend eternity with him. His plan is perfect. Trust it.

Pain is real. Although I can't take Lainey's pain away, her comfort is in my arms. Feeling my warmth and love. One day Lainey will learn that even though I'm her mom, I'll fail her. However, I hope that she'll know God will not disappoint. We suffer pain. In a broken world, pain is inevitable. Unfortunatly a lot of times doing the right thing can mean a long hard road of suffering and persecution. But God is willing to hold us, walk with us through it all and love us. In the end, it will be worth it.

Fear of the Lord will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord will be kept safe. Provebs 29:25

He held fast to the Lord and did not cease to follow him; he kept the commands the Lord had given Moses. And the Lord was with him; he was successful in whatever he undertook. He rebelled against the King of Assyria and did not serve him. 1 Kings 18:6-7

CamCo

This weekend marked our first family adventure. We headed off to Cameron County to the adorable town of Emporium to visit a college friend of mine, Nicole! Its about a 3 1/2 hour drive.

I told Nicole we would be there around noon. Well, first the alarm didn't go off and then we were to drop the dogs off at our parents house on the way. Well, we stopped at Krispy Kreme to get donuts and while we were inside one of the dogs pooped in the car. Then we finally got to our parents and Lainey was close to feeding time so we fed her and we didn't get back on the road until 11 or so. We took Route 28 and it was a beautiful drive. The sun was shining and the leaves were beautiful. We ended up stopping at Walmart for Nicole and I nursed Lainey in the parking lot- totally awkward! Why is it that when you intentionally park far away people come and park next to you? I was stressed on the way up. I found out Kellen forgot our toothbrushes and toothpaste and my contact solution and glasses. So we had to stop twice! Anyway, we finally arrived to her house at 3. Lesson learned: when traveling with an infant be flexible!

We were able to go on a nice walk in the woods where we saw deer, chipmunks, pheasants, a bear paw print ( hahaha) and mountains covered with beautiful leaves. Lainey got carried on Kellen and was very good on the walk. Later we went looking for elk! We saw some and heard them call, but it was pretty dark so we didn't get a good look. Then we enjoyed good food and fellowship with Nicole and her wonderful family. Her parents are so nice and wonderfuls hosts! We went to church and hung out a little afterwards and then headed home. It was a quick weekend, but I really enjoyed it. I realized Nicole and I didn't take any pictures together :-( She did take some cute ones of our family though!

Kellen was/is amazing. He helped with Lainey a TON. I really got to enjoy myself and actually relax some. It was nice to get a little bit of a break.

The drive home was wonderful. Lainey did great and Kellen and I enjoyed a lot of great conversation. I really appreciated those 3 hours and our talks. We haven't gotten the opportunity to talk like that in a long time. It was great for our marriage. :-) I love him. We were tired after our long adventure- but it was fun and I feel refreshed!

I hope to get some more fall pictures since its such a beautiful time of year. I keep trying to think of something creative to do with Lainey to get some cute "portraits" any ideas?

Fall

I love fall! I love cozy sweaters, warm blankets, pretty leaves and hot chocolate! This weekend we are taking Lainey on her first over night adventure. We are going to visit Nicole in the beautiful Pennsylvania mountains. I hope the Wigfield family knows what they are getting into by inviting Kellen and I and our almost 2 month old daughter! Her house and family are so nice and the hills surrounding it are gorgeous! I enjoyed my visit so much last time so I am super excited to go back. The weather is supposed to be nice so we plan on trying to do some hikes and look for elk! I'll be sure to post some pictures early next week.

Although its only Tuesday, this week has been better than most. The weather has been rainy and visibility is down. Therefore, my wonderful pilot husband has not been able to instruct. The disadvantage is if he doesn't fly he doesn't get paid. The advantage is we got to spend some time together. Monday after we shared lunch, he stayed at home with Lainey while I ran some errands. It was nice to be able to get out and get some grocery shopping done and the house cleaned up. Hopefully the weather will clear up and Kellen can get some flights in tomorrow. I know work is necessary, but I do love having him around!

My boss called today. He needs to know by Monday so he can make up the schedule what I am doing as far as returning to work. I'm pretty sure we have figured it out, but are continuing to pray about it.