1 Samuel 1:27

I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted my request- 1 Samuel 1:27

Somebody asked me the other day how painful labor was. And I honestly could not remember. I mean, I know it hurt, but how much? and how would I describe the pain? What happens in a woman's mind to make her quickly forget? I think its because when you hold your child and love them, you realize you would go through any amount of pain for the joy that a child brings. I joke with Kellen that I want to be like the Duggars.

Speaking of the Duggars- man do I think they "get it." I realize they are a TV show, and entertainment at that but I think they are a pretty incredible family. Their kids seem amazing. They love the Lord have tried to raise their kids in a way pleasing to him. They view children as a gift from Him and leave it to His will as to how many they will have. They have taught on the truth of birth control and are open about their past mistakes. My mom and many other people think they are nuts. Maybe they are- but I like this insane family!

Now I'm not saying I'll have 18+ more children. But they are such a blessing from the Lord and we'll leave that in His hands!

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." Pslam 127:3-5

9 Years Ago...

It was 9 years ago that our country was attack by terrorists. I remember the day very clearly. It was beautiful out. A perfect temperature, the sky was bright blue and the sun was shining bright. The weather was the complete opposite of the darkness and hatred that was attacking our country.

I was in 9th grade. I was in band class when the attacks happened- the news was quickly spreading but nobody seemed to understand what was happening. I heard "a plane crashed in a building in New York" I remember the group of kids laughing and joking about the idiot pilot. Never once thinking this was the 'Pearl Harbor' of my generation. Mr. Chambers didn't mention anything, he just went on conducting like any other day. We just kept playing and practicing. Perhaps he didn't know what to say, perhaps he didn't know. I then went to American Cultures with Mr. McDermott. He was completely silent. He had the TV on and we sat there, in complete silence and watched history in the making.

I had so many questions and fears. I couldn't grasp any of what was going on. I was naive. Why would somebody do this? How can somebody hate our great country so much? What did this mean for the future? Would my life as I know it change? There was so much I didn't understand. There is still so much I don't understand.

I remember the rumor that a plane was headed for Pittsburgh. I remember the fear I had that I my parents life could be endangered. Would we sit down to dinner as a family tonight? For many families in NYC, DC and all over the country, the answer to that question was a no.

I remember all air traffic being grounded. The silence of sky was haunting. You don't realize how much we grow accustom to those noises until they are gone.

I left school early that day. I spent the day with my family grateful they were safe and we were together. I remember going to my grandma's that day and I remember my dad saying he was glad my grandpa wasn't alive to see this.

Nobody I know lost their life that day. In fact, nobody I know has lost their life fighting for our freedom since these attacks. I can't claim to be affected by the attacks nearly as much as those families who had loved ones killed that day or the families who have servicemen who won't return home to our great country. But I won't forget what happened either. I won't forget that evil and hatred is so real and I won't fail to cling to the hope and goodness that is Christ.

I love being an American and I love the freedoms that citizenship brings. I appreciate all those who sacrifice on a daily basis to give my family and I those freedoms. But September 11, 2001 taught me that the world can shattered so quickly and unexpectedly.Even though we live in the country with the greatest military with the best resources available, we still live in a fallen world. There is only one way there will ever be peace. I hope that as we reflect on the reality of this evilness and remember the families who lost loved ones that we can find hope and comfort in the sovereignty and grace of the Lord.

How can something so little....

How can something so little change everyday life so much? Oh how life is so different and this is just the beginning.

I am pretty much home 24/7. Kellen can be gone or work from 8 am -10 pm on most week days- sometimes he is able to stop home for lunch but I mostly have a lot of days where it is just Lainey and I. (and Dieter and Shelby) This gives me a lot of time to think, read, pray, browse the internet, watch tv, and other stuff that is accomplished one handed while holding a baby in the other. It can get kinda lonely, Lainey is a great listener but there are times I long for adult conversation. I've had a lot of visitors, but being 45 minutes away from friends and family doesn't make it the easiest. Going out in a public with a newborn is hard too. I can't just run to Target or the mall or even the food store. Its a big ordeal. First I have to feed Lainey and then if she is calm I can think about going. Then I have to gather up the dogs and fight with Dieter who is hiding under the bed because he doesn't like his kennel. Then I put Lainey in her car seat and take the dogs outside- usually Lainey starts screaming. I kennel the dogs or for a short trip put them in our bedroom. Then we leave- I'm usually hoping the car quiets Lainey. If it doesn't it makes shopping trips a disaster. How can something so little complicate things so much? Then I have to rush around and be home in time to nurse her again. And nursing in public is always an option, but since things are still kinda new its difficult and awkward still. How can something so little eat so often? It makes going to the store quite exhausting!

Having a newborn makes everyday tasks a challenge: showering, sleeping, eating, cleaning, cooking, doing dishes, taking the dogs and even getting the mail! How can something so little make everything a challenge?

How can something so little require so much stuff? How can something so little get sooo heavy after a while of being held? How can something so little cry and scream so loud?

Kellen used to tease me about having "prego brain"-- well hate to break it to you ladies without kiddos, but this seems to be a side effect of pregnancy that lasts awhile. Yesterday Lainey and I had to be somewhere I was all ready to go and I could not for the life of me find my keys. I was searching everywhere. Kellen had them the day before to move the car so I finally texted him, but didn't expect a respsonse because he had a flight. I was seriously almost crying. Just then I heard them jingle, they were clipped to my purse (their typical spot) which was hanging over my shoulder. UGH. Newborn lack of sleep brain. How can something so little make you feel like you're going crazy?

The list goes on and on...like How can something so little be so expensive? How can something so little poop so much? How can something so little burp and fart so loud?

But mostly how can something so little hold such a BIG place in our hearts...

In Love

I can't believe Lainey is 24 days old already. She has lost her newborn look and is getting so big! She is so long- all her little pants are going to be floods or falling off her waist. Every second of being a mom is awesome. She loves to be held and I love holding her. I know the day will come where she won't want her mom to hold her so I am taking every opportunity now. I stare at her all the time- she just might be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I probably kiss her 1,000 times a day. I can't believe God gave us this precious gift. Is being a mom hard? Yes, but she makes the challenge 1,000% worth it.

Welcome To the World Lainey Mae

I never thought I would be updating this so quickly. On Wednesday night around 9:30 pm, I started very strong, rapid contractions. I had barely been having braxton hicks all day. By 9:45, I texted Kellen at work saying "I think I'm in labor" he asked if he should leave work and I didn't think he needed he to. I preceded to shower and call the doctor who told me to come in. Kellen got out of work late and didn't get home until close to 11. I was unable to get a good reading on how far apartment my contractions were, but they seemed close and intense. I was throwing up and was trying to brace myself for a long evening ahead. I was scared and had no clue what to expect.

We packed up the car, took the dogs with us and headed out the door. On the way to the hospital, the contractions seemed to grow. I threw up once, and my water broke in the process. It wasn't a huge rush since I was sitting, but I knew it had broke. We arrived at the hospital at 12:15. There was a woman in front of us whose water had just broken but she hadn't started contractions and she kept asking me if I was ok. She said jeez I hope that doesn't happen to me. It was painful. We went to triage and it felt like they were taking forever to check me. They ask you the stupidest questions. Do you really think I was thinking about the baby photographer while I was having contractions? After what seemed like hours, they finally checked me and said I was dilated to 8. I think this shocked everyone because the next thing I knew I was being rushed by 3 nurses to labor and delievery. I was there for no more than 20 minutes- got an epidural and baby girl's heart rate started to decrease. The nurse said she thought that was because I was complete and baby was ready. She gets on her pickle phone to call my doctor and see where she was. My doctor was just walking in. She comes in and checks me and I am ready to push. The whole environment was so peaceful after my epidural. I pushed for 30-40 minutes and Lainey Mae was born at 2:30 am. Kellen didn't get to cut the cord because it was wrapped around her neck, which was a bit of a scare for me. She scored 9's on both apgars! Thats my girl! She weighed 7 lbs 2 ounces and they measured her at 19 1/4 inch long (although she was remeasured at 20 3/4 inches). I was in labor for about 5 hours- I never imagined it would be so quick.

It was nothing as I imagined. I feared giving birth. All the horror stories people shared with me. I thought it would be exhausting and simply horrible. I thought I would have a very painful, long drawn out labor. I feared I would have a c-section. My birthing experience was simply beautiful. Looking back all I can remember is good things- yes the contractions were strong and very painful but overall it was wonderful. Kellen was a wonderful support, my doctor was amazing and I am just completely amazed with how good everything turned out. God is so gracious. He has blessed us tremendiously with this whole pregnancy, the complications with my appendix and her birth. I will forever remember this as a very positive experience.

And Lainey is amazing. I look at her and cannot believe God has blessed us with such a beautiful, healthy baby. I could just stare at her little face forever. I love Kellen more and more every time I see them interact. I am still amazed she was inside me, I don't know how she fit! (although she is tiny- thinking of all that in my belly is crazy) My love for the Lord has grown deeper and deeper and I feel like becoming a parent opens your eyes and soul to a whole new understanding of the love the Father has for us.

We've been home for a week now. Kellen has been off work and we have enjoyed the time as a family. It is easier than I thought and more difficult at the same time. Nursing is the biggest challenge I have, but its getting easier. Lainey and I are learning together. I am exhausted some of the time and feel great other times. I am scared for Kellen to go back to work because he has been a great help. My mom, sisters and mother in law have been a tremendous support system. We have not had to cook a single meal all week. Once again, I am just taken back by how blessed we been through this all. God is so good.

1 Day!!

Had my "40 week" appointment today. We have progressed to 2+ cm dilated, 90% effaced and dropped to station 0. My doctor doesn't think she'll see me next week. They also told me I wouldn't see my due date 3 weeks ago, so I am learning to take it all with a grain of sand. As anxious as I am to meet her and hold her and not be pregnant anymore. I am realizing I will miss her kicks, hicuups and being able to protect her! There is a lot I won't miss though! Everyday I have taken time to just kick back, relax and focus on the miracle of life in me.

6 Days..but who's counting..

We have 6 days until our due date. Had my 39 week appointment yesterday and it was very uneventful. No weight gain, no further dilation or effacement. I left feeling like I am going to be pregnant forever. Everyday is torture- we just want to meet her already. I can't believe I have had series of painful contractions for nooo reason at all. UGH. I'm hoping my water just breaks soon, then I know the end is near. Plus, I have atleast 10 people a day ask me if I'm still pregnant or say "would you just pop already?" Talk about discouraging!

I really hope I am not pregnant for another 3 weeks. And I don't really want to be induced considering that increases your chances of a C-section by a lot. Week 40 day 1...I'm bringing out all the wive tales: bumpy roads, spicy foods, pineapple, walking, etc....

We'll take her anyday. The sooner the better in our opinion. Pray for us as we continue this journey and we'll keep you all up to date!